Work Annoyance

I had the busiest, saddest day at work that I've had in eons. The day started off with a terribly needy patient...which means they are pushing the "help" button every two-three minutes, usually for something they could do themselves. Some people are just so lonely that they get to a point where they don't care who they are bothering; they just need that attention. The annoying thing about that is not that I have to get up to answer the light but that there are patients who really do need things. Things I can't get them if I'm constantly in another room. It is always a challenge to keep a good attitude with someone like that. I grumble all the way to their room and then put on a smile before I walk in...and then try to keep the smile while I'm there. ;o)

BUT I transfered that patient fairly early in my shift. You may think that this was a turning point in my day, a turn for the better, but it was not.

I also had a patient who I really, really liked. A very sweet older (80!) lady. Her son was there for a good portion of the shift and he was the most polite person I have ever met. I asked her how she was able to do that, to turn out a kid as polite as her son. I told her I needed to take some notes so I know what to do for my boys. Lol.

So, I have this conversation with her and everything is great. She even said to me, "I know exactly what you looked like as a baby; you looked just like a little angel." Awww. I left her room and something changed. For the worse. I was told she called to say she was choking so I quickly went to see her. She seemed fine, maybe feeling a little panicky from feeling like she couldn't get her breath. I assured her that I'd help as much as I could, left the room to get some medication, and then something changed. Like a switch went off. She went into a total psychotic breakdown. And I do mean total. I could even see in her eyes that she was no longer with us.

She did not come back, either. She stayed in that psychotic mode for about the last six hours of my shift. Her son & daughter were notified and came in to see her. The decision was made to put the patient on "comfort care" which means only keeping her comfortable. Letting her die, in a very peaceful way.

The peaceful death part of my job is actually not something I hate. Not to be morbid, I just feel like it is better to go peacefully than to go kicking and screaming. More dignified, as well as the whole comfort issue.

The worst part of my day? It wasn't the needy patient. It wasn't the fact that I couldn't even sit down (or pee!) until 4:30, nearly 10 hours into my shift. The worst part of my day was that I really wanted to hug her son & daughter before I left but I wasn't sure if that was appropriate. I'm not a natural hugger and there is always a hesitation for me. This time I had that hesitation but I also had to consider that I was on duty and is hugging an okay thing to do. When I got in my car and was driving away, I even started to go back into the hospital.

I know I'm doing this guilt thing to myself. I honestly liked the whole family and maybe I'm feeling bad that I couldn't help the lady, that her breakdown happened on my shift...so I channel that into guilt. A character flaw, I guess. Actually, that flaw is probably what drew me to nursing in the first place. Feeling like I need to help everyone yet having this incredible gift for packing my bags and going on a guilt trip. Lol.

What did I do to make myself feel better? I came home and played on the bed with Mike & the boys. Dancing and being goofballs. I put them to bed and watched the last part of Extreme Makeover Home Edition. That show always makes me smile & cry at the same time. I used to watch that show every single Sunday evening while I was pregnant with Sullivan. I was the typical emotional pregnant lady and it felt good to have an actual reason to be weepy. ;o)

Then I had to go online and renew my nursing license for $105 bucks. Ouch! Nursing was a very painful thing to do today, that's for sure.